29 (About Damn Time)

So last year you probably thought, “Man, there’s no way she can ever be later with her annual birthday post than she was this year!”

Ha, I’ll show you…I’ll see last year’s two months late, and raise it another month! (Any by “you,” I of course mean “me,” since I am obviously the only person left reading this blog)

Yes, this year I find myself in the same predicament – time is slipping through my fingers and the harder I grab onto it, the faster it is gone. By now, 28 is a distant memory…but oh, what a memory!

Revisiting last year’s goals, I have to say that I think I did pretty darn good. First of all, I finished Squadron Officer School, the professional education required for me to get promoted to Major. After 18 months of procrastination, I squeaked in just under the wire – painful, but done forever!!

I also took on more responsibility at work, moving into a new position as the Wing Executive Officer at the 125th Fighter Wing. Not only did the job come with a raise, but now I get to commute to and from work with David, and we even get to work out together and have lunch with each other from time to time. All in all, it has been a good move for me – challenging at times, but broadening, too.

I definitely laid on the beach more – even if “more” was still only a handful of times. Baby steps, right?

So super proud of this next one, I can’t hardly even type it. After two decades of trial and failure, I quit biting my nails. For proof, I have attached a photo. Now, this may not seem like a huge deal to some of you, and you may be looking at this photo and thinking “But they’re not even long.” You are correct. They are not long by typical female standards. They are, however, unbitten – a minor miracle. Long comes next.

I even accomplished something that was on my list from 27 – I learned to scuba dive!! For my birthday, David surprised me with a weekend getaway where we got our scuba certification and took our first dive together in an underground cave. It was very cool, and I am very glad to have a hobby that I can do with my husband and incorporate into my other passion (travel!).

Obviously most significant and life-changing – I welcomed my second child into the world! Fiona Charlotte Brown, you have been one of the greatest blessings and surprises of my life. My sunshine girl, always happy and mellow and so sweet it hurts me to look at you. From the moment we brought you home, you have fit into our life like a missing puzzle piece, completing all of us and connecting all of us. What a joy you are in my heart – how did I live without you??

Next to all these successes, my failures seem so small. I failed to run a 5K (ugh, what is wrong with me?!), paint even a single room in my house, get control of my closet or drive a stick shift. Because most of these are things that have evaded me for several years (if not more than a decade), I can only assume that I have some sort of deeply rooted fear of running (or possibly the metric system?), paint, throwing clothes out (note to self: watch more “Hoarders”), and reliving drivers ed.

Now, as I enter the last year of my 20s, I find my inner pendulum swinging from wild gratitude for the way my life has turned out to the uneasy feeling that I am at some sort of crossroads. I’m not sure if it’s a “quarter-life crisis” or what, but as I look out over the next expanse of my life, I have a deep yearning for change. I can’t articulate what exactly I want to change – I just have this bubbling up desire for something “else,” something more.

More. Even the thought of it makes me feel guilty. I have so much, and still I want more. More purpose, more adventure. Am I driven, or am I greedy? And where is the line between the two?

So as you can see, the last three months have been spent in deep pondering (ponderment?). Yet still I was able to come up with my annual list of goals, several of which are repeats from last year (I will succeed someday, damn it). Hopefully, doing these things will bring me closer to the more I seek.

Without further ado, my final list before I become old (ahem, mature), boring (stable) and irrelevant (yep, no positive spin for that one!):

1. 29 will be the year I finish graduate school. After FIVE YEARS. Do not underestimate my glee on this one.

2. 29 will be the year I run a 5K. Do you hear me, procrastination?! RUN A 5K AND CROSS THIS ONE OFF THE DAMN LIST ALREADY.

3. 29 will be the year I learn to drive a stick shift. See #2 for emphasis (read: yelling).

4. 29 will be the year I start to volunteer, and find a cause I am passionate about (Habitat for Humanity? Something to do with women or children in crisis?)

5. 29 will be the year I foster my old friendships, and make some new ones.

6. 29 will be the year I lose 15 pounds. After accomplishing this one at 27, I got pregnant at 28, and here I am again at 29. Sigh.

7. 29 will be the year I become a better listener.

8. 29 will be the year I do something that surprises everyone.

Here’s to 29 – may it be a year of growth, change, learning and surprise, and may I come out of it in one piece!

A Two Year Olds Prayer

Quick post to forever document something I never want to forget...

Lately, we have been saying prayers with Sam before he goes to bed. We sit beside his bed, fold our hands and bow our heads, and then we help Sam figure out what he wants to say. Mostly, we give thanks for the good things in our lives. Last night, we said the standard "Thank you for this great day, and for our family, and for all of our many blessings," but right before we got to "Amen," Sam interrupted (in his tiny little voice with his adorable pronounciation):

"Wait wait wait, God!! I wana say sumpin'. Sank you for take (read: cake) and for my toy dun (read: gun) and for Disney Wuud (read: World). Ok. Amen now."

He was so earnest and serious, with his little eyes squeezed shut and his little hands clasped. Cake and his gun and Disney World...his three most cherished and beloved things. We couldn't decide whether to giggle or cry -- it was a very sweet moment.

Fiona update coming later this evening, followed by a general life update if there's time!

POOP!!!!

Houston, we have POOP.

This is definitely not something I ever thought I'd be so excited to post online for all the world to see, but finally, finally, FINALLY -- after many weeks of encouragement and bribery -- SAM POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!

Seriously people, you would've thought we'd won the lottery in this house. We've had him peeing in the potty for quite some time, but for some reason, poop was a hurdle that he just couldn't seem to overcome. The proud look on his little face while David and I clapped, yelled and jumped up and down for him today is something I will never forget. Immediately after pulling his pants back up, he got a very serious look on his face, pointed right at me, and reminded me of the bribe I'd been making him for weeks.

"I get ice cream, Mommy."

Yes, you do, buddy. This is just one more step towards Sam becoming a kid instead of a baby. He is growing up so fast, in so many ways. I am so, so proud of him!!

The Greatest Sound in the World :)

Fiona just laughed for (basically) the first time!!!!!!

Over the past couple of weeks, she has sort of done these tiny giggle things, but tonight while I was bathing her, she full-on belly laughed at me. Of course David wasnt there and I didn't have a camera, but I rushed right out here to record it before I forgot. It is the cutest, sweetest thing you've ever seen -- her little face lights up, her whole body shakes, and the room is filled with these chuckles and squeals of delight.

It is the greatest sound in the world. I could listen to it all day long.

RIGHT NOW!

Whenever Sam or Fiona does something for the first time, or has a new cute habit, I often think to myself, "You know, I better make a post about this before I forget, they stop doing it, and it's lost forever!" And then, inevitably, life gets in the way and I don't follow through...but not tonight!

Lately, Sam has been saying "Right now!" -- but not correctly. He says it when he wants to make an emphatic point, and let you know that he really really means something. He will march across the room, put on a very serious face, take a stance, point at you and say (or, more often, SHOUT) something like "I love you, Mommy -- RIGHT NOW!!" or "These pickles are yummy -- RIGHT NOW!!"

It is very cute :)

More to come soon -- including photos of our Christmas!

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like CHRISTMAS!!

I seriously can't believe that Christmas is in only five days!!! For some reason, I am super into the Christmas spirit this year. Maybe it's because it's Fiona's first Christmas with us, coupled with the fact that Sam is finally old enough to sort of understand what's going on, and his joy and excitement is just contagious!

So everyone who knows me well knows that I am not a decorator, not crafty, not a baker, etc -- so my house is hardly a "winter wonderland" or anything like that. However, we have bright Christmas lights on the house, we hung balls on the trees out front, and the front yard is all capped off by an enormous inflatable Santa Claus in an airplane with propellors! Hey, if you can't be over the top and a little tacky at Christmas, when can you?! ;)

We also got a beautiful tree -- real, of course (see my post last Christmas for my feelings on artificial trees)! We have a very eclectic ornament collection, and it's been really cute to see Sam point to each and every ornament and ask me what it is. The conversation goes something like this:

Sam: "Mom, what's dat?"
Me: "It's a sock monkey."
Sam: "Mom, what's dat?"
Me: "It's starfish painted like Santa Claus."
Sam: "Mom, what's dat?"
Me: "It's a robot."
Sam: "Mom, what's dat?"
Me: "It's a hippo."

You get the picture. Below are some photos, so that you can see that I am truly not exaggerating about the tackiness that is my front yard, or the craziness that is my Christmas tree!!

So that's about all I have time to post right this second, since Fiona has been an angel baby for more than an hour now, and is finally starting to demand some of my attention! However, I will post more about our Christmas activities later, including the base-wide Christmas party we recently went to up at the wing, along with some new photos of Fiona.

More to come -- and may the spirit of Christmas be with all of you!!

Fiona is One Month Old!

It's hard to believe, but my baby girl was one month old yesterday! It has gone by at lightening speed -- most days are a blur of feedings, diaper changes, dealing with constant spit-up (which means constant loads of laundry), and trying to make it out of the house at least once, all compounded by complete exhaustion due to prolonged sleep deprivation!

Despite all of this, she steals our hearts more and more every day. So far, she's been very different from Sam as a newborn -- generally less fussy, but man, the girl can go from zero to pissed off in no time flat! She is loud, fiesty, fat and loveable. She is just now starting to really focus on our faces when we talk to her, and I can tell that she will be smiling in no time.

Here are a few photos -- doesn't her hair look a little red in some of them?? Who knows...maybe she'll be a little ginger baby!

My beautiful girl!

Making her opinion known!

Hey -- look at me!!

Mellowing out...

Chubby cheeks!

Say WHAT?!?

Sweet girl :)

Fiona Check-Up

A few days ago, Fiona had her first check-up at the doctor. According to him, everything looks great! She has already gained more than pound since she was born, so even though it is a little frustrating to feel like I am feeding her around the clock, it looks like it is at least doing her some good! It's always nice to have a medical professional reassure you that you're doing an alright job so far. Almost three weeks old and still alive and kickin' --- gold star for Mom and Dad!!

Other than that, we've just been trying to make it through one day at a time. Everyone who told me that going from one kid to two is a tough transition was sugar coating it -- these first few days have rocked my world! Part of that is due to the fact that I've also been recovering from a c-section, which has made otherwise simple actions (like getting up from a seated position!) more difficult, but it's also a little overwhelming to try to balance the all-consuming demands of a newborn with the needs of a high-energy toddler. The thought that Sam would ever feel like Fiona has replaced or displaced him breaks my heart, but I think that David and I have done a great job so far of making sure that he feels included and loved. While he has his moments of jealousy, he is mostly very sweet with her -- he calls her "his baby" and likes to give her kisses and pat her head. The whole thing melts my heart, and there are times when I feel that my chest is not big enough to contain the love I feel for these little souls.

Another adjustment was having David go back to work, which happened a few days ago. He got two weeks of paternity leave, which was awesome, and not having him around the house has been a little rough for me. He is such an enormous help when he's around, and I got very used to being able to depend on him as an extra set of arms to hold Fiona, as well as a shoulder for me to cry on when my hormones are going crazy! Sigh -- I guess I'll have to learn to do it without him!!

In the mornings, I get Sam ready for daycare while David gets ready for work. Then, my two boys leave together, and it's just us girls at home. Since I've finally been cleared by my doctor to drive, I have been trying to have at least one outing a day for me and Fiona, since otherwise I get super stir-crazy. She is definitely not on any sort of routine or schedule yet, which means I am pretty exhausted most days, and despite my best intentions I never seem to be able to stick to the "sleep when the baby sleeps" mantra (is anyone able to actually do this?!). Luckily, since this is not my first rodeo, I have some perspective and can understand that this phase is blessedly short, so I am doing my best to not stress and try to enjoy every minute.

Here are a few new photos to tide you over! :)

First bath at home!

Not sure how she feels about this...

Getting all her crazy hair washed!

Sacked out on the couch...

Chubby little bundle!

Crazy stickin' up hair!

Makin' faces!

Big ol' baby blues :)

This is what we call her "rock'n'roll hair" -- standing straight up!!

Fiona Charlotte's Debut!

Here is the post you've all been waiting for! For months, David and I have been trying to picture this new little person who was going to join our clan, and everyone else has been driving themselves crazy speculating about whether it was going to be a girl or a boy, and FINALLY, on Monday, Nov. 1st at 1:47 p.m. -- we got to find out.

It was...drumroll, please....a GIRL!!!!!!This came as a surprise to just about everyone, since the prevailing opinion was that it was definitely a boy. Since I had to have a c-section this time, it was David who got to see her come into this world, and the look on his face when the doctor announced that he had a daughter is something I will never forget. In the end, it was a blessing that I had the c-section, since she ended up being quite the little chunker -- weighing in at 9 lbs 6 oz!! She was 20.3 inches long, and had a full head of dark hair. The recovery from the surgery has been a little rocky so far, but I'm taking it one day at a time and trying to remember that the pain will be temporary!

We got home from the hospital on Thursday, and have been adjusting to life with two children ever since! Sam alternates between being incredibly sweet and loving to Fiona, to displaying a huge amount of jealousy. Sometimes he comes up to the baby out of nowhere and says "Love you, 'Ona," and sometimes I catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye and the sadness on his little face just breaks my heart. I know he will adjust in time, and that he will love having a little sister. For right now, we're taking it a day at a time and trying to show him a lot of extra love and attention!

Fiona is a big, juicy delight. She is not on any sort of real schedule yet -- basically eating all day long and sleeping whenever she pleases! David and I are getting to know her, learning more about our little bundle every day. Watching David talk to her and stare at her when he thinks I'm not looking has been the most heartwarming thing...he is completely in love with his baby daughter. I look at her all day long, and wish I could just eat her up. I think about how proud I am of her already, how much she will bring to our family and to the world. I cant wait to uncover her little personality day by day -- just like we did with Sam -- and find out who she really is. I love her more than I can say -- words fail me.

The photos below are in no particular order (I've been having a lot of trouble moving photos around on Blogspot lately), but we hope you enjoy them :)

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow my life is going to change.

Tomorrow is my scheduled c-section. My due date is actually Thursday, Nov. 4th, which puts me at about 39.5 weeks. Because I was induced at about 38.5 weeks with Sam, I have literally never been this pregnant. I am big. When I say big, I mean ridiculously, outrageously, I-don't-even-blame-people-for-asking-if-I'm-having-multiples huge.

To demonstrate my point, here are two photos of my belly from tonight's trick or treating adventure (read on for details about that...)!

As you can imagine, with this massive size comes massive discomfort on many levels. I am READY to have this baby. My countdown started days ago, but now that there are literally only hours left (14, to be precise), the gravity of what is about to happen is finally starting to hit me.

Tomorrow, I will become a mother again. Tomorrow, I will make David a father again, and Sam a big brother. Tomorrow, I will meet the person who has been growing inside me -- kicking me, frustrating me, amazing me -- for nine long months. Tomorrow, I will transform our family. Tomorrow, my heart will explode with love and joy and gratitude. Tomorrow is going to be one of the happiest days of my life.

Tomorrow, everything will change.

I can't wait.

Halloween :)

Happy Halloween!!

Wow, this year was SO much fun. Sam is old enough now that he can at least understanding a little bit of what's going on. We asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween, and he told us in no uncertain terms -- SPIDERMAN! Grandma bought him his costume, which he has been begging me to wear every single day. Over the past week or two, we've been getting him prepped by telling him that Halloween was coming up, that he was going to get to wear a "Spiderman outfit," and that he would go knocking on doors saying "Trick or treat" and getting candy. Some days, the very first thing out of his mouth in the morning would be "Trick or treat? Halloween?? Spiderman outfit???" I hated letting him down day after day, but was really looking forward to the day when I could say, "Yes, buddy...it's today!!"

That day -- finally -- was today! In the morning, we headed over to my parents' house to carve pumpkins...and by we, I of course mean that poor David got stuck doing most of the real work. But Sam was sort of into it, helping out a little. After lunch and a nap, we headed back home, where my Mom, sister Moon (or "Momo," as Sam calls her) and nephews Lucas and Daniel met us for dinner before trick or treating.

After dinner, it was finally time for Sam to get into his Spiderman costume -- and you have never seen a cuter, more excited Spiderman! He was A-DOR-A-BLE. I can't stress it enough. I was worried that he would only wear the mask for a few minutes, since kids are notorious about hating to have masks on, but he wore it the WHOLE TIME. I mean, from the minute we put it on him, through getting back in the front door after the last house, he would not remove that mask. I think he really thought he was Spiderman -- every few houses he would crounch down, stick out his finger and say, "I shoot web! PSSST!" Seriously, adorable.

A whole gang of little kids and their parents from the neighborhood hit every single house in our development (all 34 of them!), and after that we headed home. Sweet boy that he is, he only asked for a couple pieces of candy, and then willingly took off his costume and let us put him to bed. It was a completely successful night, and it couldnt have gone smoother or been more fun. I am SO glad that I decided to schedule my c-section for the day after Halloween, so that I could have the opportunity to do this with him.

Some photos to enjoy!!